John 21:15-17..."What did you say?"
Mali asks me, "will you do the floors?" (We have five rooms of oak flooring)
I answer, "Sure, I''ll do the floors."
We aren't speaking the same language; she means move the furniture, roll up the rugs, vacuum, wet mop (with Bona), unroll the rugs and replace the furniture.
I mean...I'll sweep the floors. I know what she means so, I'm not answering her question directly. I'm equivocating.
And, of course she knows I know so she says, "just give the floor a good sweeping. that will be fine but, next time..."
We're faced with in similar interesting exchange between Jesus and Peter. Jesus asks Peter, three times. "do you love me?" Apparently, He isn't satisfied with Peter's first two answers.
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.”
Is Peter obtuse? or just hard of hearing?
No...they're speaking a different language. Peter says phileō (φιλῶ) when Jesus says agapaō (ἀγαπᾷς) because the language choice reflects a shift in stance, not just vocabulary: Peter is humbly distinguishing the kind of love he feels in his own heart, while Jesus is asking for the highest, covenantal form of love.
After denying Jesus three times, Peter is likely too convicted to claim the highest, boldest form of love (agape‑level commitment) in his own name. So he responds, “You know that I philo you,” as if saying, “I am your friend; I love you deeply—but you know my weakness; I dare not promise what I may again fail to live.”
On the third question, Jesus lowers the word to phileo (“Do you phileis me?”), matching Peter’s own language. This can be read as Jesus graciously accepting Peter’s confession at Peter's level of affectionate, even if not yet the full, fearless agape Peter had once boasted he could give. In short: Peter uses phileō because he is humble, self‑conscious, and relational after his denial; he will not claim the highest, sacrificial language of love for himself, even as Jesus is gently drawing him back into the full mission of shepherding the flock.
Which brings me to my point; when we speak scripture to the world, we must utter the clear and precise words (and meaning) the text provides. Failure to do so only results in miscommunication. This necessitates at least two things: reverence for God's word as being authoritative and diligently studying God's word.
When we do this, the world will not generally respond in kind; unbelievers would rather argue. In one of the greatest ironies I can imagine, the unwashed masses (Chinos, agnostics and atheists) have decided they are the guardians of biblical fidelity. The people who don't believe in the authority of Sacred Scriptures, and don't even understand it, use it as a bludgeon with which to beat us into silence.
How many times have we heard these (or, similar) words? "I'm more moral than Christians; the greatest command in scripture his "love your neighbor as yourself" and, they would rather deport undocumented workers that feed them"...calling us hypocrites or Pharisees for not following the dictates of the scripture we profess to revere.
They aren't entirely wrong...and, we humbly acknowledge our failures...
“Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart, and we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We are truly sorry and we humbly repent. For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and forgive us, that we may delight in your will and walk in your ways, to the glory of your name. Amen.” - The Common Book of Prayer
But they certainly aren't right. The fact they will dictate imperatives from the Bible, a source they neither understand nor apply to their own lives, is not dispositive…like me claiming I’m an expert on the pain of childbirth. The intent is, to knock us back on our heels...so we will shut up. Don't be intimidated. They are out of their depth.
They make two serious errors...
1 They overlook the command that comes immediately before the one they love to use as a weapon; "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."
2 They completely misunderstand what Jesus means when He says "Love your neighbor as yourself."
The first error is eternally fatal, making their position inexorable...we will never learn to love scripture unless we learn to love God. Which leads to the second error. If we don't revere scripture we will never care if we understand it correctly; it's just a tool to humiliate believers.
Explanation: English, in many ways, does not have the sophistication of Greek. In English, we have one word for "love" and it generally means "an intense feeling of deep affection." It reveals itself in how we treat others so it makes some sense when agnostics complain that believers don't act like they love undocumented immigrants if we want them deported.
Greek, on the other hand, is far more nuanced; There are six words for love:
1 Érōs: Passionate, romantic, or sexual desire.
2 Philía: Deep friendship or brotherly affection.
3 Storgē: Familial or natural affection, like parental love.
4 Philautía: Self-love, which can be healthy (self-compassion) or narcissistic.
5 Xeníā: Guest-friendship or hospitality toward strangers.
Any one of these five is easily distinguishable and a skeptic could say Christians aren't much good at any of them. We do need to own that but, it's not really the point. When Jesus uses the word "Love", in both texts above...he doesn't use any of these five terms; He uses the sixth greek word...agapē.
This is their fatal error; narcissim. How could somebody be so careless about eternal values that they're too lazy to even study the text?
In Gerhard Kittel's Theological Dictionary of the New Testament (TDNT, Vol. 1 on agapē), agapē is presented as distinctly divine and redemptive, transcending human emotional or reciprocal loves.
Kittel traces agapē to God's self-disclosure in the OT (e.g., ḥesed as covenant faithfulness), but in the NT it becomes God's initiating, unmerited love poured out in Christ (Rom 5:8; 1 Jn 4:10). Unlike Greek erōs (possessive desire) or philia (mutual esteem), agapē "descends"—God loves sinners undeserving of it, originating purely from His nature, not their virtue.
Redemption is its core function: agapē effects atonement and reconciliation, breaking sin's power through the cross (Jn 3:16). Kittel emphasizes its volitional, sacrificial quality—Jesus' death exemplifies it as substitutionary giving. Believers receive and extend it by the Spirit (Gal 5:22), enabling ethical transformation; it's not static sentiment but active rescue from wrath, mirroring Ezra 4's exiles who rejected compromising "love" for God's pure, redemptive purpose in rebuilding.
But, Agapē isn't human effort, its God's love indwelling believers (Rom 5:5), making neighbor-love possible even toward unlovely "enemies" (Mt 5:43–44). As Kittel notes, it descends unmerited—like God seeking sinners—freeing us from philia's mutuality or erōs's self-interest. We love neighbors (anyone nearby in need, per the Good Samaritan) not from emotion but willful giving, mirroring Christ's cross.
Practically, it means caring for those in need.
Theologically, it means God producing the Divine result of redemption through us.
Churches today preach the former and omit the latter. But, Christ's command demands agapē's supernatural quality: love that redeems neighbors as God redeemed us, building His temple. If we say we “love” others but see no redemptive results, it is not agapē …meaning we are not fulfilling either the first, or second greatest commandments.
So what does this look like if human intent/effort is not the answer?
Paul says “I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ because it is the power of God unto salvation for those who believe. it” (Rom. 1:16). This ties to agapē: the gospel redeems us to extend divine love redemptively (Rom 13:8–10), unashamed amid opposition—Proclaiming it properly fulfills "love your neighbor,” by resulting in redemption...empowered by the same dynamis that raised Christ.
So when Jesus says “they will know we are Christians by the love we have for one another,” He means it literally; People will “know” it because they will see the evidence; people being redeemed (committing their lives to Christ). I believe our churches have completely neutered the concept…I don’t see that emphasis on conversions (as evidence of agapē ) in our churches anymore.
Application: Am I willing to be a channel through which God's redemptive love can flow to others? It would be far easier to simply feed the hungry. I am not critical of the world's desire to care for those in need. In fact, it is an imperative for Christians. However, I'm reminded of the question Jesus posed; "what does it profit a man if he gains the world but loses his soul?" (Mark 8:36). This is Jesus’ way of saying: no earthly advantage is worth the loss of your eternal well‑being and relationship with God. And, this is the cost attached to the human understanding of "love your neighbor as yourself;" it may provide all the creature comforts the world can offer but without the redemption that comes from agape, their gain is temporary...at best. In practice, the verse urges you to ask in every decision: “Is this pursuit bringing me (or, others) closer to Christ, or is it putting my (their) soul at risk for the sake of something that will ultimately fade away?”
The most effective way to apply agape in your life is to orient your choices around the well‑being of others, rather than your own agenda, while staying rooted in communion with God. Agape is not brute willpower; biblically it flows from Christ’s life in you (Rom 12:1–2; Gal 2:20).
- Pray regularly to surrender your plans, preferences, and resentments to God, asking for His love to replace self‑centered reactions.
- Put agape at the heart of relationships
- Anchor agape in worship and Scripture
- Regularly meditate on texts that define agape behavior (e.g., 1 Cor 13; Rom 12:9–21; 1 John series).
- Turn those verses into short, repeatable prayers: “Lord, make me patient with this person today,” “Help me act for their good, not mine,” etc.
- Treat service to strangers, the marginalized, or even the “difficult” person as a sacred discipline, not optional charity.
- Pray for people you find hard to love; asking God to change your heart toward them is one of the most powerful agape‑practices.
And, don't forget...a lot of times, agape looks like a warm coat or a cup of cold water.
Prayer: Lord Jesus, You are the very source of agape—self‑giving, sacrificial love that seeks the other’s good even when there is no reward.
I confess that much of my love is still conditional, self‑centered, and easily offended; I want, instead, to love the world the way You love it. By Your Holy Spirit, fill me with Your love so deeply that it flows out of me to people I find difficult, to strangers, and to those who oppose me.
Break my attachment to comfort, approval, and control, and give me the courage to serve, forgive, and bless—even when it costs me. Where I am tempted to judge, help me to pray; where I am tempted to withdraw, help me to draw near with genuine care. Make me a living sign of Your kingdom: a person who loves without counting the cost, who seeks the good of others because You first loved me.
Lord, teach me that agape is not a feeling I must manufacture, but a fire You kindle in my heart through communion with You. So bind me closer to You in prayer, in Your Word, and in Your body, that the world might see Your love shining through me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Live boldly out there today...
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